I just spend two nights at the condo on Büyükada, so I'm feeling rather rejuvenated.
-------
I will spare the unhappy details of my parents visit (which I fear may be the only legacy retrievable in the future) and only say that the time I spent relaxing with them in their hotel room was one of the most comforting feelings I've had since arriving here. It left me soothed, yet eager to return to my home in America (for a brief stay, of course).
As I find myself reaching month 5 of my new adventure, nearly halfway through my tentative year-long contract, I realize that I have found a more settled, comfortable manner of life. I'm not comparing to my life stateside, but to the various styles I have tried since arriving here late last October. I'm at peace with the life I live, the company I keep, the ways in which I spend my work time and my free time.
So forgive me, but this post isn't going to be filled with new tales of LIFE IN THE BUL. Instead, I'm going to preview something thats been rolling around in my mind for awhile, and I think you should take the time to do as well: A self-defining list.... Not of things I'd like to accomplish in this life (although I have one of those as well), but one of the things I'm grateful for, the things that make me happy. I find this simple exercise can help me rediscover that which felt lost and allows me to refocus and recommit myself to the wonderful things/people I am surrounded by. You might see some of the things on this list as trivial or uninspiring, and thats your judgment to make. Which is the very reason I invite you to try it and be surprised at how many seemingly small/mundane things can actually bring you joy.
1. The first rush of hot water over my body in the shower... making every single tiny hair stand on end.
2. Accidental beauty.
3. Public transportation.
4. The perfect combination of music, rain, and deep thought that can bring about new levels of awareness while riding said public transportation.
5. Finding the right words.
6. Red-orange sunsets disappearing behind a horizon of blue water.
7. Properly functioning hands (written after my hands were chilled to the bone and unable to successfully hold a pencil to make this list).
8. Finding comfort in a place that once made me uneasy.
9. A truly restful sleep.
10. Being told the truth, and accepting it wholly even when its something I don't want to hear.
11. Accepting other people's decisions.
12. Unexpected kisses.
13. The anticipation of a kiss.
14. Really good tea.
15. The look in someone's eyes (anyone) when they say "I love you" and completely mean it.
16. The complexities of human interaction.
17. Remembering things once forgotten.
18. Having faith in something or someone other than myself.
19. Having faith in myself.
20. Loved ones having faith in me.
21. Ali Mete... most of the time :) :)
22. wake & bake.
23. Having a single place, other than my home, where I can "let my hair down".
24. Non-traditional ideas, places, people, things.
25. Movies. Getting lost in them.
26. Family time.
27. Having the luxury of freedom and independence.
28. Knowing what makes other people happy.
29. People and their differing perspectives.
30. Various sized bodies of water and the serenity they bring.
31. Sunglasses.
32. Appreciate and acceptance - personally and globally.
33. Family histories. Family photos.
34. Mealtime conversation full of laughter, memories, and reflections.
35. Learning.
36. ride-or-die.
37. Whispered secrets.
38. New socks.
39. Coloring.
40. When the sky looks like it does at the beginning of The Simpsons.
41. No dirty laundry.
42. A clean house.
43. A cold beer.
44. The curious things people do when they think nobody is watching.
45. Feeling inspired by reeeally simple things.
46. Smeared pencil.
47. Sharing in other people's talents and passions: writing, speaking, painting, cooking, composing, playing, listening....
48. Heartfelt passion and adoration.
49. Good pizza.
50. Your courage, coming in many forms: leaving a relationship, starting a new one, working to maintain love... moving in search of something more - whether its to a new city, state, country, or just a new apartment... dealing with employment in this shaken global economy - starting a new job, losing one and beginning the search for another... gracefully saying goodbye to a loved one... traveling somewhere intimidating... furthering your education/career - continuining studies, internships, overtime for that promotion, new business endeavors... refusing to quit even when it seems you're out of options, quitting when you know its best for you... breaking through the barriers of your circumstances... allowing yourself to be selfish... allowing yourself to love and be loved...
The last one is clearly the most personal to me. Every day I am in awe of the amazing things you all accomplish and I hope you know that even though I'm 5,000 miles away - and in some cases, right down the street - I promise I'm paying attention. I admire you. I respect you. I'm inspired by you. I'm where I am today because of you, your belief in me, and your help for me to believe in myself.
I am completely and totally aware of the wonderful things in my life, and I can only hope you are aware of the same in your life too.
17.3.09
21.2.09
gittikçe şişmanlıyorsun
"You are gradually growing fat." A direct excerpt from my Turkish study book. haha
---------------
My parents will be here in 8 days and I'm not sure I've ever been so excited about anything in my life... ever everrr.
---------------
Andrea and I went to Rumelihisarı last Monday.... Definitely the best 3tl I've ever spent. For some reason, she and I were both completely enchanted by the old fortress. We joked about playing pretend and feeling like we were in The Secret Garden (I use the word "joked" loosely because I'm pretty sure if either of us has costumes at that moment an adult-imaginary-play session involving some life-threatening scenario in which one or both of us had to escape from our prison tower would have happened).
My pictures are a little dark because the weather here is completely unpredictable. During our hour and a half adventure, we experienced bright warm sunshine, ominous haze, gentle rain, and a rain/snow combination (which Andrea will say was just snow, but there was absolutely rain at the same time --- a very common occurrence here). I don't mind it though, because later that night, 15 minutes after I vocalized my deep desire for heavy snow, the sky opened up and painted Istanbul white.... foooor about 30 minutes.
[The second bridge to the Asian side, taken from the Rumelihisari bus stop.]
[Cafes outside Rumelihisari... the tower in the background is the fortress.]
[Me, my favorite coat, my favorite boots, the Bosphorus, and the second bridge.]
[Andy and I were completely crrreeped out by the strange green color of the water that day. This looks almost scary... and I love it.]
[Inside the fortress. This picture was taken 2 minutes after the last one and the sky looks completely different.]
I have more pictures from the fortress on facebook and myspace and I'll put an album on webshots soon.
A few other pictures from my normal life:
[I tried unsuccessfully to take a picture of the heavy snow. This is the Greek Orthodox church in my neighborhood as seen from Fresh's living room window. ---- I'm not sure I've talked about Fresh on my blog yet so here's a little introduction: He's currently one of my favorite friends, if not my actual favorite person, in Istanbul - Probably because he's the most decent and real individual I've met here: honest and interesting, a much appreciated and quite rare combination. His real name is Burak, but most people refer to him by his dj name "DJ Fresh" or just Fresh. I spend a few nights a week at his house watching great movies and laughing about random shit.]
[Timba, Fresh's cat. Don't be fooled by how sweet he looks, he is a deadly killing machine. And I love him.]
[Fresh & Timba]
[Kate & Andy. This was our last coffee date together, hours before Andy boarded her plane to the US. Kate took her place in Ece and Ege's life as the new "big sister". Mixed emotions: I miss you ANDY. But I am pretty excited to find Kate a Turkish boyfriend. -- In the last week I have gone back to my pre-Turkey mentality a few of you might remember.... you know, my whole "I quit dating forever" thing. I can already hear your disbelief. Things are a little different this time though: I'm not bitter like I was before. I'm just bored and have been shown through multiple situations with multiple people that I need a break from this serial dating experience. But since I have absolutely no desire or motivation to date anyone at all, I will make her my little protege. Kate, be ready. :) :) ]
[Last Steph & Andy pictureeee, for now!]
[My Turkish brothers and sister.]
Dilara is going to Thailand this week so it should be pretty interesting seeing how Ali Mete handles life without his mom. Did I mention that my parents will be here a week from tomorrow? Holy holy holy crap.
I miss you all more than I can express.
---------------
My parents will be here in 8 days and I'm not sure I've ever been so excited about anything in my life... ever everrr.
---------------
Andrea and I went to Rumelihisarı last Monday.... Definitely the best 3tl I've ever spent. For some reason, she and I were both completely enchanted by the old fortress. We joked about playing pretend and feeling like we were in The Secret Garden (I use the word "joked" loosely because I'm pretty sure if either of us has costumes at that moment an adult-imaginary-play session involving some life-threatening scenario in which one or both of us had to escape from our prison tower would have happened).
My pictures are a little dark because the weather here is completely unpredictable. During our hour and a half adventure, we experienced bright warm sunshine, ominous haze, gentle rain, and a rain/snow combination (which Andrea will say was just snow, but there was absolutely rain at the same time --- a very common occurrence here). I don't mind it though, because later that night, 15 minutes after I vocalized my deep desire for heavy snow, the sky opened up and painted Istanbul white.... foooor about 30 minutes.
[The second bridge to the Asian side, taken from the Rumelihisari bus stop.]
[Cafes outside Rumelihisari... the tower in the background is the fortress.]
[Me, my favorite coat, my favorite boots, the Bosphorus, and the second bridge.]
[Andy and I were completely crrreeped out by the strange green color of the water that day. This looks almost scary... and I love it.]
[Inside the fortress. This picture was taken 2 minutes after the last one and the sky looks completely different.]
I have more pictures from the fortress on facebook and myspace and I'll put an album on webshots soon.
A few other pictures from my normal life:
[I tried unsuccessfully to take a picture of the heavy snow. This is the Greek Orthodox church in my neighborhood as seen from Fresh's living room window. ---- I'm not sure I've talked about Fresh on my blog yet so here's a little introduction: He's currently one of my favorite friends, if not my actual favorite person, in Istanbul - Probably because he's the most decent and real individual I've met here: honest and interesting, a much appreciated and quite rare combination. His real name is Burak, but most people refer to him by his dj name "DJ Fresh" or just Fresh. I spend a few nights a week at his house watching great movies and laughing about random shit.]
[Timba, Fresh's cat. Don't be fooled by how sweet he looks, he is a deadly killing machine. And I love him.]
[Fresh & Timba]
[Kate & Andy. This was our last coffee date together, hours before Andy boarded her plane to the US. Kate took her place in Ece and Ege's life as the new "big sister". Mixed emotions: I miss you ANDY. But I am pretty excited to find Kate a Turkish boyfriend. -- In the last week I have gone back to my pre-Turkey mentality a few of you might remember.... you know, my whole "I quit dating forever" thing. I can already hear your disbelief. Things are a little different this time though: I'm not bitter like I was before. I'm just bored and have been shown through multiple situations with multiple people that I need a break from this serial dating experience. But since I have absolutely no desire or motivation to date anyone at all, I will make her my little protege. Kate, be ready. :) :) ]
[Last Steph & Andy pictureeee, for now!]
[My Turkish brothers and sister.]
Dilara is going to Thailand this week so it should be pretty interesting seeing how Ali Mete handles life without his mom. Did I mention that my parents will be here a week from tomorrow? Holy holy holy crap.
I miss you all more than I can express.
5.2.09
everything in moderation
Things are normal here. I seem to have finally found a comfortable groove and pace for my life. A balance for family, work, friends, boys, parties... everything. I'm settled and enjoying myself. Interestingly, I think I view my life here in a different context than anyone else fully comprehends. I don't really see this as temporary. I live here. When I first thought about moving and until just recently since I arrived, I saw this as a little adventure with a timeline. My general idea was that I'll do this until next October then come home and "restart" my life. Now that I'm here, I see that this is my life.... which is why its difficult for me to maintain this blog. I didn't feel the need to update everyone when I lived in America and since my life here seems normal and, for lack of a better word, "right"... its hard for me to remember how others view this experience.
Anyway. Yesterday was the third day since I've been here where I wished wholeheartedly that I was back in America (the first was for my mom and the second was inauguration day). It was the first real experience where the vast distance created by an ocean made me feel more helpless that I could have ever imagined. My best friend from childhood, Kalah, told me that her dad died of a heart attack. I know that I wouldn't have been able to make it any better had I been in Ohio/Indiana with her, but the awareness that I physically could not was gut-wrenching. Given the major losses I(we) have experienced in the past 5 years, I, at this point in my life, am, frankly, over it and, therefore, don't handle death very well. Luckily, my family was incredibly understanding and let me be alone for most of the day. And Andrea came over last night, bringing wine and comfort food... she even endured the rather late night spontaneous "chill/cheer-steph-up" session at Fresh's house because she knew I needed it. So I want to extend my deepest thanks to my Istanbul loves for being my family and helping me get through a difficult day. I am truly grateful to know that I am surrounded by such wonderful people.
To Kalah: I love you so much and I wish more than anything I could be there with you. I've always loved your parents - You will all always have a very special place in my heart. Just know that my head and my heart are with you right now.
RIP Jay DeLashmit
I hate that sometimes it take a horrible tragedy to give your life a little perspective.
Anyway. Yesterday was the third day since I've been here where I wished wholeheartedly that I was back in America (the first was for my mom and the second was inauguration day). It was the first real experience where the vast distance created by an ocean made me feel more helpless that I could have ever imagined. My best friend from childhood, Kalah, told me that her dad died of a heart attack. I know that I wouldn't have been able to make it any better had I been in Ohio/Indiana with her, but the awareness that I physically could not was gut-wrenching. Given the major losses I(we) have experienced in the past 5 years, I, at this point in my life, am, frankly, over it and, therefore, don't handle death very well. Luckily, my family was incredibly understanding and let me be alone for most of the day. And Andrea came over last night, bringing wine and comfort food... she even endured the rather late night spontaneous "chill/cheer-steph-up" session at Fresh's house because she knew I needed it. So I want to extend my deepest thanks to my Istanbul loves for being my family and helping me get through a difficult day. I am truly grateful to know that I am surrounded by such wonderful people.
To Kalah: I love you so much and I wish more than anything I could be there with you. I've always loved your parents - You will all always have a very special place in my heart. Just know that my head and my heart are with you right now.
RIP Jay DeLashmit
I hate that sometimes it take a horrible tragedy to give your life a little perspective.
22.1.09
i know, i know.
The best time to update loved ones on your life probably isn't in the midst of a bad week, but I'll go ahead and attempt it anyway. Its been over a month so I'll hit the highlights:
1. Christmas in Istanbul
I was worried prior to December 25th that I would wake up feeling super homesick, wanting nothing more than to snatch presents from under my parent's tree and frantically rip off the paper as I had for the past 22 years. But, to my relief, it mostly just felt like Thursday. The anticipation of Christmas was much worse. Anyway, I spent the day with Ali Mete and Dilara at a little gathering hosted by a really interesting Australian woman Dilara knows.
2. New Years
Aside from Alex and his family arriving on the 31st, absolutely nothing happened. I was asleep by 11:30. I sincerely hope you rang in the new year in a more exciting way.
3. Alex & Family
My first visitors to Istanbul and it could not have been any better. We did the standard sightseeing; I attempted to teach them the little Turkish I know (Sarah tried, Alex gave up after misprouncing the first time). Todd and Abby really loved Ali Mete, making it much easier to bring him along. They sort of took it upon themselves to be responsible for his general happiness and well-being. On Sunday night after I finished work, I took the train downtown to their hotel and stayed for 2 nights. We spent Monday night looking at dumb things on the internet, drinking, talking, and eating Dominoes pizza. (I fully cherish the moments in my current life that are so similar to those in my previous life that you almost can't tell the difference between the two.) All in all, they were here for a week and I would have loved nothing more than for their temporary stay to be a permanent change of address.
4. Barselona, İspanya
For the record, I know its normally spelled with a "c". However, in Turkish "c" makes a "j" sound sooooo this is the correct spelling. While I'm on the subject of the Turkish language, I should mention that my gradual learning has completely replaced any Spanish I have known since 8th grade. Except for my favorite sentence (Qual es la fecha de tu cumpleanos?), very little remains. And even though I would love to try this sometime, its not very practical to walk around only asking people their birthdate.
Anyway, I took the 3 hour flight from Istanbul to Barcelona and proceeded to tackle my friend John (from Mason) at the airport. We dropped our things at the hostel, located off La Rambla (the main little touristy stretch), and immediately began exploring. Prior to visiting, I didn't attempt to plan anything. Nothing. I left it to John... not because I was being lazy, but because thats not really my style of traveling. I'll give you the condensed version of our trip - pictures are already on myspace, some on facebook, and I'll post the rest on my picture site soon -
- Street "performers"... aka people dressed in ridiculous costumes made to look like statues. They didn't move, ever. It mostly just creeped me out.
- Rented bicycles allowed us to explore the city in style. Definitely my favorite part of the trip.
- Crazy graffiti everywhere. Almost every closed door was a canvas for street art. Some of it was pretty good -- I'm a graffiti snob since my friends here are too great for words.
- I have never seen so many dreadlocks in a 4day span. No joke.
- Paella and sangria.
- Head shops galore.
- Attacking birds on bikes, accompanied by this psycho little boy who we could not actually communicate with.
- Giant, anatomically correct, brass cat statue.
- And we saw some touristy stuff too.
*John, if I'm leaving out anything worth mentioning... feel free. haha
5. John in the bul
After our 4ish days in Barselona, John came to Istanbul for 3 days. Again, I took him around to some touristy things, but the weather was so bad here that some stuff didnt seem very practical. And its much more difficult to bring along a 2 year old when he doesn't have a companion. We ate good food, he got his shoes shined by a crazy person, we discovered that pringles can be eaten with salsa, and John got to experience a very mild version of what its like to party here. Some friends DJ and were opening a new hip-hop club, Complex, so we went. It was emmmmmpty but I still had fun. We arrived back in time for John to grab his bag and catch a taxi to the airport.
6. Boys
I want to dispel circulating rumors: No, I don't have a boyfriend. I have been seeing some guys off and on, but I think I'm down to just one now and pretty happy about it. But its not a serious thing and, no, I don't really want to elaborate (haha). Generally speaking, I like Turkish guys. But I'm over the back and forth game. According to Dilara and Ahmet, I've just been meeting the wrong types of guys. So maybe one day I'll actually let them introduce me to some more intelligent, interesting men. But, for now, I'm content with what I originally had said before moving here: No boys, thanks.
*I will say though, my interaction with guys has greatly improved my Turkish. I guess now I'll have to resort to normal methods of learning a language.
7. Friends
Beste is my sister, no question. She's introduced me to the majority of people I know here and I love her for it. Both of my American friends, D and Andrea, are permanently leaving Istanbul within the next month. So, I'm in the market for new Americans. Its not that I only want American friends, but there are some jokes that just don't translate ("thats what she said" for example).
8. Other random things
I haven't seen tortilla chips anywhere since I got here and that might be the most depressing thing about being away from America. Laundry is absolutely never ever finished when you have a 2 year old. I wish I was at home for the inauguration - it must have been a really incredible experience. Jerry Springer is among the many, many American television programs shown here. (I don't watch tv, but I've heard about it) I miss tv. My parents are coming to visit in March. Sam+Tam are coming in May. I'm already counting down to both. I recognize that I've been bad at keeping in touch. Hopefully my life will get back to normal now.
I miss you all.
1. Christmas in Istanbul
I was worried prior to December 25th that I would wake up feeling super homesick, wanting nothing more than to snatch presents from under my parent's tree and frantically rip off the paper as I had for the past 22 years. But, to my relief, it mostly just felt like Thursday. The anticipation of Christmas was much worse. Anyway, I spent the day with Ali Mete and Dilara at a little gathering hosted by a really interesting Australian woman Dilara knows.
2. New Years
Aside from Alex and his family arriving on the 31st, absolutely nothing happened. I was asleep by 11:30. I sincerely hope you rang in the new year in a more exciting way.
3. Alex & Family
My first visitors to Istanbul and it could not have been any better. We did the standard sightseeing; I attempted to teach them the little Turkish I know (Sarah tried, Alex gave up after misprouncing the first time). Todd and Abby really loved Ali Mete, making it much easier to bring him along. They sort of took it upon themselves to be responsible for his general happiness and well-being. On Sunday night after I finished work, I took the train downtown to their hotel and stayed for 2 nights. We spent Monday night looking at dumb things on the internet, drinking, talking, and eating Dominoes pizza. (I fully cherish the moments in my current life that are so similar to those in my previous life that you almost can't tell the difference between the two.) All in all, they were here for a week and I would have loved nothing more than for their temporary stay to be a permanent change of address.
4. Barselona, İspanya
For the record, I know its normally spelled with a "c". However, in Turkish "c" makes a "j" sound sooooo this is the correct spelling. While I'm on the subject of the Turkish language, I should mention that my gradual learning has completely replaced any Spanish I have known since 8th grade. Except for my favorite sentence (Qual es la fecha de tu cumpleanos?), very little remains. And even though I would love to try this sometime, its not very practical to walk around only asking people their birthdate.
Anyway, I took the 3 hour flight from Istanbul to Barcelona and proceeded to tackle my friend John (from Mason) at the airport. We dropped our things at the hostel, located off La Rambla (the main little touristy stretch), and immediately began exploring. Prior to visiting, I didn't attempt to plan anything. Nothing. I left it to John... not because I was being lazy, but because thats not really my style of traveling. I'll give you the condensed version of our trip - pictures are already on myspace, some on facebook, and I'll post the rest on my picture site soon -
- Street "performers"... aka people dressed in ridiculous costumes made to look like statues. They didn't move, ever. It mostly just creeped me out.
- Rented bicycles allowed us to explore the city in style. Definitely my favorite part of the trip.
- Crazy graffiti everywhere. Almost every closed door was a canvas for street art. Some of it was pretty good -- I'm a graffiti snob since my friends here are too great for words.
- I have never seen so many dreadlocks in a 4day span. No joke.
- Paella and sangria.
- Head shops galore.
- Attacking birds on bikes, accompanied by this psycho little boy who we could not actually communicate with.
- Giant, anatomically correct, brass cat statue.
- And we saw some touristy stuff too.
*John, if I'm leaving out anything worth mentioning... feel free. haha
5. John in the bul
After our 4ish days in Barselona, John came to Istanbul for 3 days. Again, I took him around to some touristy things, but the weather was so bad here that some stuff didnt seem very practical. And its much more difficult to bring along a 2 year old when he doesn't have a companion. We ate good food, he got his shoes shined by a crazy person, we discovered that pringles can be eaten with salsa, and John got to experience a very mild version of what its like to party here. Some friends DJ and were opening a new hip-hop club, Complex, so we went. It was emmmmmpty but I still had fun. We arrived back in time for John to grab his bag and catch a taxi to the airport.
6. Boys
I want to dispel circulating rumors: No, I don't have a boyfriend. I have been seeing some guys off and on, but I think I'm down to just one now and pretty happy about it. But its not a serious thing and, no, I don't really want to elaborate (haha). Generally speaking, I like Turkish guys. But I'm over the back and forth game. According to Dilara and Ahmet, I've just been meeting the wrong types of guys. So maybe one day I'll actually let them introduce me to some more intelligent, interesting men. But, for now, I'm content with what I originally had said before moving here: No boys, thanks.
*I will say though, my interaction with guys has greatly improved my Turkish. I guess now I'll have to resort to normal methods of learning a language.
7. Friends
Beste is my sister, no question. She's introduced me to the majority of people I know here and I love her for it. Both of my American friends, D and Andrea, are permanently leaving Istanbul within the next month. So, I'm in the market for new Americans. Its not that I only want American friends, but there are some jokes that just don't translate ("thats what she said" for example).
8. Other random things
I haven't seen tortilla chips anywhere since I got here and that might be the most depressing thing about being away from America. Laundry is absolutely never ever finished when you have a 2 year old. I wish I was at home for the inauguration - it must have been a really incredible experience. Jerry Springer is among the many, many American television programs shown here. (I don't watch tv, but I've heard about it) I miss tv. My parents are coming to visit in March. Sam+Tam are coming in May. I'm already counting down to both. I recognize that I've been bad at keeping in touch. Hopefully my life will get back to normal now.
I miss you all.
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